The truth about fear

When we think of fear we tend to think of horrifying images, terrifying scenarios, paranormal experiences, blood thirsty monsters and killers.

We think about our worst phobias.

We think about destruction and death.

But in reality, everyday fear can be much more subliminal than that and still do a lot of damage.

What actually is fear?

I would love to give you a definitive answer to this, but emotions are incredibly confusing things, they aren’t exact, they are ever changing and ever fleeting. They vary and modify with every person and with every situation. So, what you will find here is an attempt to discuss this emotion in a general way.

(If you have a phobia, suffer from anxiety or negative thinking you should look for a professional that can identify your specific difficulty and help you find solutions that can accommodate your needs.)

In text books you will discover that fear is one of our basic emotions. An evolutionary response all animals are born with, that helps to protect us from peril as a means for self-preservation.

In its most elementary form, fear was the instinct that kept our ancestors alive and still nowadays prevents us from making bad decisions.

So even though we are speaking of a generally uncomfortable emotion, to which we normally give a negative connotation, fear, in its essence, it’s not bad. In fact, fear it’s an absolutely essential emotion for our survival.

However, as everything else in life, when it’s excessive, it can become a problem.

Fear is an incredibly unique emotion in the sense that it has the capacity to paralyse us, blur our point of view, or push us to act in irrational ways.

Anxiety and stress are vastly common psychological problems nowadays, they are often reminiscences of unprocessed pathological fears. Unprocessed, either because we can identify them but don't know how to deal with them, or because we are simply running away from them, ignoring them, or repressing them for being unpleasant and uncomfortable.

But everything we ignore comes back to haunt us in the future. It's the psychological equivalent of sweeping rubbish under the rug, it might make it disappear momentarily, but it's still there and sooner or later it will overflow.

So, identifying the specific fear behind each feeling of stress or anxiety is essential to determine how to deal with it.

How to do this? Well, every emotion tends to be linked to thoughts and behaviours, paying attention to this connections can be a good start.

Anxiety, for example is normally associated with negative and maladaptive thoughts.

"I'm not good enough"

“What if something goes wrong?”

"What if it doesn’t work?"

"I’m a failure"

"I can’t do this"

These are thoughts created by fear, when you take time to examine them in a realistic light you will notice that most of them (if not all) are deceptions.

They represent doubts fuelled by insecurity. Worries about our future and our capacities.

Fear, in truth, is the manifestation of a future that does not exist.

It’s a possibility our mind makes up regarding a particular scenario that may, or may not come true.

In reality, fear is no more than a history.

A history we create only because we have no real control over the outcome of the situations we are embarking on. We simply don’t know what’s going to happen and we panic over possibilities.

Sometimes dealing with fear it’s about accepting the moment we are in, the information we have. It’s about having faith that we have what it takes to deal with whatever comes, in the best way possible.

Fear is something that should be validated, experienced, heard and evaluated. We have the power to decide whether or not it’s message is valuable, whether we want to keep it or let it go.

Sometimes it's enough to fight negative thoughts with positive ones. It's enough to move forward, even with fear, isn't that the definition of courage?

It’s about getting out of our comfort zone, and when one more fear is overcome, celebrate our victories, knowing that the next one won't seem so big.

After all, we have surpassed all the challenges given to us so far, what is one more?